This is a film based on a book. A book so bad, that the only reason it was published is that the writer published it himself. This is like inventing the sport of high speed cock waggling just so that you can be world champion of high speed cock waggling when no-one but you and Norris McWhirter shows up to your high speed cock waggling championship in your back garden. And the film is far worse than the book.
This movie can be summed up like this "Hey, it's fucking star wars! (but with dragons instead of light sabers)". That's right, they've replaced awesome light sabers with dragons. A dragon instead of a light saber? What's the good in that? You can't twirl a dragon around your head making 'whum, whum' noises. You can't use a replica dragon to bash your younger brother into concussion...it's just not a fair trade. Having my light saber traded for a dragon makes me feel a little like a cherokee indian who's had his tribal lands traded for a sack full of beads. In fact, I am slightly surprised that this film didn't cause anyone to run around the cinema with a tomahawk screaming 'where's my light saber mother fuckers' while scalping any palefaces they could find.
Also, there's a castle instead of the death star. So there are no x-wings, no millenium falcon, no planets exploding and no lightsabers. And the dragon that they replace the lightsabers with is a prissy lesbian dragon with a voice like Mary Poppins. It's one of those sensible shoes and short hair lesbians, not the hot and interesting lesbians that appear in so many films that I am a fan of.
If you want to watch this movie, set up two televisions. On one, watch Star Wars. On the other, watch a fat man having a stroke in a pool of lime jelly. You'll have a much better time.
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