I almost wish this wasn't a sack of crap

Personally, I'd love to have one of these.

He'd sit lovely on the shelf next to my teddy bear dressed as General Pinochet and my radio controlled Tianemen Square tank with the optional blood soaked fleeing students attachment.

Still, seeing as I've mentioned this, I can also encourage you to buy a wooly penis.

The worst idea an Australian's ever had.

Here's one for you all...

I am now recommending that you avoid the following film - Russell Crowe in a film about Bill Hicks.

To prevent you from having to read too much of the article, I shall summarise. Russell Crowe (self obsessed Australian brawler with the emotional depth of a sheet of tesco value tinfoil) wants to make a film about Bill Hicks where he stars as Bill Hicks (the film is tentatively titled A Film About Bill Hicks Starring Russell Crowe As Bill Hicks).

This movie is such a bad idea that this morning, Russell was contacted by Hugo Chavez, crazy Venezualan President who wants to create his own time zone and told that the plan was a bit 'out there' and that maybe 'you're fucking crazy Russell!'. The idea is so bad that Zambia's president - Levy Mwanawasa - dropped stone dead when he found out. He was only 59!! When the Russian government found out they decided to invade a small former Soviet state and bomb it to hell and back - that's how pissed off they were about the idea.

There you go. Today's film to avoid - Russell Crowe in A Film About Bill Hicks Starring Russell Crowe As Bill Hicks. I bet that ends up being the fucking title as well. Wankers.

Green Cross Code in China

So let's have a chat about Fang Zheng. Back in 1989, he lost his legs in a traffic accident. Since then, he's won gold medals in Chinese national competitions. So with the Olympics coming up fast you'd image that Fang would be in training?

Nope.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of Fang's traffic accident, he's been disqualified from the Olympics. Apparently, when a tank runs you over in the middle of Tiananmen Square then you lose the right to compete in the Olympics.

But hey, I'm sure Sharron Davis will say that just because China crushed some poor fella's legs with a tank and then banned him from competing in the Olympics it doesn't mean that British atheletes shouldn't endorse China & their games by competing.

Some of the best damn cops and robbers ever

It's been a while since I've been binging about anything on TV, so I'd like to take the time to say that you should do everything you can to get hold of and watch The Wire.

It's an American cops and robbers show, but it's not written like 93% of other television shows out there. The Wire is all about the long game. I'm just finishing up watching season three, and they're talking down one of their targets from the first show. Three years of TV, and only now is this guy being taken down.

The whole show is written in that ethos. You could even argue that the format that most shows would use for an episode (cops find villain, cops investigate villain, cops take down villain) is used for an entire season. It's a show that assumes intelligence from it's audience, and that obviously works damn hard to be the grittiest show out there.

It's fucking sweet dude. You've got to watch it.

Greasing the wheels...

So I know I've been hard on oil companies in the past. I've called them unscrupulous evil fucks, and you know what - perhaps I've been wrong all along.

Exxon have released their profit details for the second quarter of 2008. Now, the cynical among you will bemoan the fact that they're a bunch of price gouging, money grubbing wankers. But if you look at the numbers, they've only made a profit of $1485.55 a second.

Huh?

Yeah that's right. Between April & June, Exxon were making $1485.55 every second. That's a total profit of $11.68 billion in profit. Just to be clear about this, Exxon could have made given away eleven billion dollars, and still made a profit of more than six hundred million dollars.

In three months, they made enough cash that they could give every person on the face of the Earth 2 dollars. Now, maybe it's just me...but a company that's making that much profit (and let's remember, we're not talking about turnover, we're talking about clear profit) should perhaps look at reinvesting their cash...so I shall now endevour to offer them some purchasing options.

1. They could buy NASA. Their annual budget's 16 billion, which means that Exxon could easily have their own space shuttles up and running with less than half a year's profits. Who knows, maybe they'll have some better names for space shuttles than NASA will (they can't do much worse than the UK's space agency, who wanted to name their next venus probe Yappy Dog Three).

2. They can buy Hollywood for the year. According to Forbes, the leading men & women of Hollywood netted 731 million bucks this year. So Exxon could easily afford to buy the biggest ensemble movie ever. They could make a movie of Dallas, with Will Smith as Bobby Ewing and directed by Steven Speilberg.

3. You could play Monopoly for real. Thames Water was recently sold for 7 billion, and I'm pretty sure that with the state of Network Rail, you'd be able to pick up Fenchurch street for about 12 quid. Though building a bunch of identical red hotels may have some problems getting past the planning phase in Kensington.

Or you know...you could give 2 bucks to everyone on the damn planet.

Bunnyhop this motherfucker!

So since my car went and exploded, I've had to bike into work. No big deal, it's good exercise and it's a nice ride, though at four miles either way it does take half an hour each way.

So, imagine my surprise when I came across this story. I'd come across a few people who didn't like cyclists, but I have to say that I'm glad I don't have to bike into work in New York.