Though you could also title this "my lack of surfing adventures".
So it's been nearly a month since I bought a wetsuit and declared to those of my friends unfortunate enough to be in shouting range that I was going to take up surfing. My nextdoor neighbour is a superfriendly guy called Al, and he's a very enthusiastic surfer, and very kindly was more than willing to take me along and help me get started. I was all set and ready to go.
Then the weather decided to continue in it's mission to screw with me. The waves since have either been (a) flat (b) blown out or (c) filled with deadly maneating sharks.
Ok, not C.
So I haven't been surfing. Which makes me want to surf all the more. I've been watching webcams, reading surf reports and weather forecasts almost obsessively waiting for something to happen. And now - it looks like it has. The forecast for Sunday looks good. One could even go so far as to say that it looks awesome.
So now I have to pray that it doesn't change, and that the waves arrive as promised. I also have to figure out a way to tell my sister that I would rather go surfing than go to my nephew's 3rd birthday party; which I'm sure will go down like a lead balloon. Sod it, he's only 3. It's not like he's going to remember that I wasn't there, he'll be too busy eating cake and shitting his pants.
Monday 25 June 2007
Oh look, Henmania's back
Today marks the start of the wimbledon tennis tournament. Which explains why it was absolutely pissing it down as I biked into work today. All the back pages are carrying news of the terrible tragedy that Andy Murray won't be playing because his wrist has fallen off.
So now we have a fortnight of crappy weather to look forward to. Hopefully, it'll bring along some decent surf with it as I am dying to get out into the Bristol channel and spend a few hours dunking myself into the murky waters.
So now we have a fortnight of crappy weather to look forward to. Hopefully, it'll bring along some decent surf with it as I am dying to get out into the Bristol channel and spend a few hours dunking myself into the murky waters.
Wednesday 20 June 2007
Being sinister
Yep, that's me.
It's an interesting thing being left handed. According to the internet, somewhere between 10 & 15% of the world share this affliction with me, and something happened that sparked me thinking about this, so now I'm going to share those thoughts with you.
Part of the reason why being a leftie can be so frustrating is that your brain is wired a bit differently. This means that some things which are natural for a right handed person are the wrong way round for me. A good example is joined up writing. When I was taught this, I followed all the instructions carefully, and was surprised to find that my writing was backwards. I was even more surprised when I found out that this isn't unusual, and that the teaching material for cursive writing will always mean that a left hander will produce mirror writing.
Eventually of course, I figured out how to write the right way round (what a handist term that is!) , and I was able to become a functioning member of society. Now, if it surprises you that schools teach a method of writing at which some kids are bound to struggle at, then some of what follows may shock you to the very core...
When my father was at school, he wasn't allowed to use his left hand for writing. He was forced by teachers to use his other hand, and had ambidexterity forced upon him. From his recollection, he hated it and tried to sneakily use his left. Seeing as he was raised in the dark ages, the teachers had no hesitation in beating him up for not using the proper hand and he was often clubbed around the face with a morning star flail until he put the crayon back in his right hand.
Historically though, left handers have always been treated poorly. In the middle ages, left handedness was seen as a sign of satanic influence (so was usually enough to get the witch hunter looking at you funny); even the word sinister comes from latin for left (sinistrus).
Then there's the problems with scissors, rulers, mice, guitars, can openers and all kinds of other day to day paraphenalia that just aren't designed with left handers in mind. Until you've spent hours as a child being unable to cut pits of coloured paper neatly for a collage, then you've no idea what true frustration is.
But I'm not pretending that there aren't advantages to being left handed. I can write backwards with surprising ease, and apparently left handed people are more likely to be of a genius level intellect (Gabe will comment on this blog that I'm the exception to prove the rule, but he loves me for my thinking really).
Now, the thing that got me started with all this is down to the root cause of left handedness - that my brain is wired backwards. One continuing problem I have is that according to my brain, clocks should be the other way around. I suppose the best way of thinking of it is that for me, clockwise and anticlockwise should be swapped over. This can sometimes be a problem when I glance at my watch to check the time (no, I don't wear a casio calculator watch). Imagine my excitement a little while back when I realised it was a quarter to two, which meant I only had another hour and a bit to go at work. Now imagine the crushing of my spirit that took place when I realised that I am a backward brained moron and it was only 10.15.
Sometimes being left handed is poo.
It's an interesting thing being left handed. According to the internet, somewhere between 10 & 15% of the world share this affliction with me, and something happened that sparked me thinking about this, so now I'm going to share those thoughts with you.
Part of the reason why being a leftie can be so frustrating is that your brain is wired a bit differently. This means that some things which are natural for a right handed person are the wrong way round for me. A good example is joined up writing. When I was taught this, I followed all the instructions carefully, and was surprised to find that my writing was backwards. I was even more surprised when I found out that this isn't unusual, and that the teaching material for cursive writing will always mean that a left hander will produce mirror writing.
Eventually of course, I figured out how to write the right way round (what a handist term that is!) , and I was able to become a functioning member of society. Now, if it surprises you that schools teach a method of writing at which some kids are bound to struggle at, then some of what follows may shock you to the very core...
When my father was at school, he wasn't allowed to use his left hand for writing. He was forced by teachers to use his other hand, and had ambidexterity forced upon him. From his recollection, he hated it and tried to sneakily use his left. Seeing as he was raised in the dark ages, the teachers had no hesitation in beating him up for not using the proper hand and he was often clubbed around the face with a morning star flail until he put the crayon back in his right hand.
Historically though, left handers have always been treated poorly. In the middle ages, left handedness was seen as a sign of satanic influence (so was usually enough to get the witch hunter looking at you funny); even the word sinister comes from latin for left (sinistrus).
Then there's the problems with scissors, rulers, mice, guitars, can openers and all kinds of other day to day paraphenalia that just aren't designed with left handers in mind. Until you've spent hours as a child being unable to cut pits of coloured paper neatly for a collage, then you've no idea what true frustration is.
But I'm not pretending that there aren't advantages to being left handed. I can write backwards with surprising ease, and apparently left handed people are more likely to be of a genius level intellect (Gabe will comment on this blog that I'm the exception to prove the rule, but he loves me for my thinking really).
Now, the thing that got me started with all this is down to the root cause of left handedness - that my brain is wired backwards. One continuing problem I have is that according to my brain, clocks should be the other way around. I suppose the best way of thinking of it is that for me, clockwise and anticlockwise should be swapped over. This can sometimes be a problem when I glance at my watch to check the time (no, I don't wear a casio calculator watch). Imagine my excitement a little while back when I realised it was a quarter to two, which meant I only had another hour and a bit to go at work. Now imagine the crushing of my spirit that took place when I realised that I am a backward brained moron and it was only 10.15.
Sometimes being left handed is poo.
Tuesday 19 June 2007
My name's Joe, and I'm the fastest blog alive
Or something like that.
For those of you who have no idea what that's a reference to, it's a comicbook character called "The Flash" (it's in italics because it's moving quickly).
The Flash is one of DC's longest running superheroes, and there's been a Flash in some form or another through most of comicbook history. Unlike characters like Spiderman or Batman though, the mantle of the Flash has been passed on to younger characters a few times as the book has gone on.
I won't bore you with all the details (you can find them quite easily on Wikipedia) but I will say that I was a huge fan of Wally West. The writing on the book was good, there was a more lighthearted feel to the book and it was just good old fashioned superheroistic fun.
Then came the reboot. A year ago, Flash got a new title, a new issue number 1, and the mantle was passed on to Bart Allen. I was a bit miffed, but I'm a big boy these days, and I was prepared to give it a chance. Unfortunately, they also changed the writer. They changed from a good writer, to a bad writer. Danny Bilson should have been good. He wrote the Flash TV Series, which though hampered by dodgy special effects and cheesy acting was a fun series to watch. So I wasn't expecting the writing to be bad. But it was. I lasted 4 issues before I couldn't face it any more, and I went into mourning for a character that I'd enjoyed and was now dead to me.
So today comes the good news. Not only is Bilson off the job, but he's being replaced by Mark Waid - a writer who was responsible for one of the best runs on the Flash ever. Not only are they getting rid of the new title, but they're even going back to the old title and continuing the numbering as if the shitty new title never existed. But best of all is this - Wally's coming back. With his corny jokes, his laid back easygoingness that no-one else in the DCU seems to have and with his ability to be a superhero that isn't screaming about angst all the damn time.
And that's a flash fact.
For those of you who have no idea what that's a reference to, it's a comicbook character called "The Flash" (it's in italics because it's moving quickly).
The Flash is one of DC's longest running superheroes, and there's been a Flash in some form or another through most of comicbook history. Unlike characters like Spiderman or Batman though, the mantle of the Flash has been passed on to younger characters a few times as the book has gone on.
I won't bore you with all the details (you can find them quite easily on Wikipedia) but I will say that I was a huge fan of Wally West. The writing on the book was good, there was a more lighthearted feel to the book and it was just good old fashioned superheroistic fun.
Then came the reboot. A year ago, Flash got a new title, a new issue number 1, and the mantle was passed on to Bart Allen. I was a bit miffed, but I'm a big boy these days, and I was prepared to give it a chance. Unfortunately, they also changed the writer. They changed from a good writer, to a bad writer. Danny Bilson should have been good. He wrote the Flash TV Series, which though hampered by dodgy special effects and cheesy acting was a fun series to watch. So I wasn't expecting the writing to be bad. But it was. I lasted 4 issues before I couldn't face it any more, and I went into mourning for a character that I'd enjoyed and was now dead to me.
So today comes the good news. Not only is Bilson off the job, but he's being replaced by Mark Waid - a writer who was responsible for one of the best runs on the Flash ever. Not only are they getting rid of the new title, but they're even going back to the old title and continuing the numbering as if the shitty new title never existed. But best of all is this - Wally's coming back. With his corny jokes, his laid back easygoingness that no-one else in the DCU seems to have and with his ability to be a superhero that isn't screaming about angst all the damn time.
And that's a flash fact.
Saturday 9 June 2007
Hiding behind the sofa
Yep, another mention of Doctor Who.
This time though, it's to pimp the episode that was on this evening; "Blink". Fuck me that was scary. No, really!
It's not like I'm a big coward about this kind of stuff, I enjoy horror films, and I'm pretty well desensitised to most of the stuff that's tagged as 'horrifying', 'terrifying' or 'pants-shittingly nasty' (well, apart from films like Bring it on, but we've all got limits).
But I was most definitely surprised by what I saw today. Scary, clever and psychologically jarring. It was also an excellent episode, and I really enjoyed it. So if you get the chance, catch it when it's repeated on BBC16.
I have to admit though, I'm glad that I don't have any young kids, as I guarentee there will be thousands of nippers across the UK shitting themselves tonight.
This time though, it's to pimp the episode that was on this evening; "Blink". Fuck me that was scary. No, really!
It's not like I'm a big coward about this kind of stuff, I enjoy horror films, and I'm pretty well desensitised to most of the stuff that's tagged as 'horrifying', 'terrifying' or 'pants-shittingly nasty' (well, apart from films like Bring it on, but we've all got limits).
But I was most definitely surprised by what I saw today. Scary, clever and psychologically jarring. It was also an excellent episode, and I really enjoyed it. So if you get the chance, catch it when it's repeated on BBC16.
I have to admit though, I'm glad that I don't have any young kids, as I guarentee there will be thousands of nippers across the UK shitting themselves tonight.
Thursday 7 June 2007
3 laws safe!
I love robots. Not in a seedy Wanda Maximoff kind of way, but more in a "Robots are awesome" kind of way.
So the news that the American army have decided to use robots on the battlefield has me all a-flutter. What makes it even better is that they're not giving them guns (obviously the men in charge have seen the terminator films).
I love the fact that they've given it a teddybear face to reassure injured troops. I now can't get over the idea that american infantry troops bed down in their barracks cuddling up to their own little teddybears.
So there you go...yay for robots.
So the news that the American army have decided to use robots on the battlefield has me all a-flutter. What makes it even better is that they're not giving them guns (obviously the men in charge have seen the terminator films).
I love the fact that they've given it a teddybear face to reassure injured troops. I now can't get over the idea that american infantry troops bed down in their barracks cuddling up to their own little teddybears.
So there you go...yay for robots.
The best fun is free fun!
See what I mean?
At the moment the thing I find most disapointing is that there's no video of the incident. Rest assured, if it does appear I will let you all know.
I do feel for the trucker though - I often go for quite a distance without realising there's a cripple hanging on to my radiator grill.
Hot & sexy update - here's an american news channel video clip of the incident (still no footage of the guy in action I'm afraid).
At the moment the thing I find most disapointing is that there's no video of the incident. Rest assured, if it does appear I will let you all know.
I do feel for the trucker though - I often go for quite a distance without realising there's a cripple hanging on to my radiator grill.
Hot & sexy update - here's an american news channel video clip of the incident (still no footage of the guy in action I'm afraid).
Wednesday 6 June 2007
Another week of kookiness
Yeah, I'm on nightshift again. So far this week I've shouted at my brother for no real reason and compared talking to me to trying to argue with a goat.
I really wish these shifts wouldn't turn me into a blithering bellicose bastard, but this is what seems to happen.
In other news, I am making progress on my earlier promise to learn how to surf. I've now bought a wetsuit, and tentatively arranged to go surfing next week. No goats are involved.
I really wish these shifts wouldn't turn me into a blithering bellicose bastard, but this is what seems to happen.
In other news, I am making progress on my earlier promise to learn how to surf. I've now bought a wetsuit, and tentatively arranged to go surfing next week. No goats are involved.
New childcare product!
Yes that's right - here at this blog, we are promoting a new childcare product. It's called the encapsulator, and it is in essence a giant sensory deprivation tank with a PS2 in it. The timelock attached to it is programmed to not open for 15 years, and so prevents any paedophile predator getting his hands on your special little prince or princess.
So for those of you who haven't read, the parents of the UK are a bunch of whiny fucks. 43% of parents surveyed by the Children's Society think that their spawn shouldn't be allowed out without adult supervision until they're 14.
You morons.
I remember walking home from junior school. I remember that some of the kids in my class had to get a bus to school. For those of you frantically doing the maths - you start junior school when you're 8. I remember that those who got picked up by their parents every day were looked down upon - we were kids! It was great, we didn't need adults for anything.
How times have changed. Now it seems that it's the kids who are trusted to walk home without adult supervision are very much in the minority.
I think it's sad that we're no longer able to allow kids to go out and play with their friends, and the thing is, I think it's our own fault. We've become so obsessed with the evil paedophiles that we're unable to rationally assess the risks.
Here's a story I remember from my childhood - I was out with a couple of friends, and we were walking along a water mains pipe. I fell off it into a large clump of neetles and got stung and scratched to shit (the pipe was about 5 feet high). I knew I was going to get in trouble for being an idiot, so I tried to sneak into the house without my folks noticing. Well they saw me, they laughed at me for being an idiot, gave me a clip around the ear and coated the cuts and scratches with germoline. There was no amber alert, no tabloid panic and no audience with the pope.
Yes, I do say this without being a parent - but I sincerely hope that when I am, I can help my kids grow up, rather than wrap them in so much cotton wool that they have no idea of the world that's out there. Childhood's supposed to be fun isn't it?
So for those of you who haven't read, the parents of the UK are a bunch of whiny fucks. 43% of parents surveyed by the Children's Society think that their spawn shouldn't be allowed out without adult supervision until they're 14.
You morons.
I remember walking home from junior school. I remember that some of the kids in my class had to get a bus to school. For those of you frantically doing the maths - you start junior school when you're 8. I remember that those who got picked up by their parents every day were looked down upon - we were kids! It was great, we didn't need adults for anything.
How times have changed. Now it seems that it's the kids who are trusted to walk home without adult supervision are very much in the minority.
I think it's sad that we're no longer able to allow kids to go out and play with their friends, and the thing is, I think it's our own fault. We've become so obsessed with the evil paedophiles that we're unable to rationally assess the risks.
Here's a story I remember from my childhood - I was out with a couple of friends, and we were walking along a water mains pipe. I fell off it into a large clump of neetles and got stung and scratched to shit (the pipe was about 5 feet high). I knew I was going to get in trouble for being an idiot, so I tried to sneak into the house without my folks noticing. Well they saw me, they laughed at me for being an idiot, gave me a clip around the ear and coated the cuts and scratches with germoline. There was no amber alert, no tabloid panic and no audience with the pope.
Yes, I do say this without being a parent - but I sincerely hope that when I am, I can help my kids grow up, rather than wrap them in so much cotton wool that they have no idea of the world that's out there. Childhood's supposed to be fun isn't it?
Celebrating an anniversary
2 years ago, on June 4th witnessed the birth of an internet phenomenon - it was the day of the Killdozer.
Marvin Heemeyer was a welder from Granby, Colorado who felt that the local government had screwed him (if you read the wikipedia article, it's not an entirely baseless accusation). Faced with a failed welding company and mounting bills he took inspiration from the A-team's B.A. Baracus, and built himself a killdozer.
Thanks to the marvel of the internet - you can find news footage of the rampage on YouTube. The best bit is the duel with a big yellow construction truck. Enjoy!
Marvin Heemeyer was a welder from Granby, Colorado who felt that the local government had screwed him (if you read the wikipedia article, it's not an entirely baseless accusation). Faced with a failed welding company and mounting bills he took inspiration from the A-team's B.A. Baracus, and built himself a killdozer.
Thanks to the marvel of the internet - you can find news footage of the rampage on YouTube. The best bit is the duel with a big yellow construction truck. Enjoy!
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