I am such a geek.

There's no sense denying it. I've just watched an episode of Smallville which featured Impulse, Green Arrow, Cyborg & Aquaman. I spent way too much time giggling like a schoolboy over the clever little nods to the comics and the fish jokes made at the expense of Aquaman...

It was good though.

Gordon's Alive!?!!

This isn't even a faked image.

This is from Saatchi, one of the best known and highest charging advertising companies in the UK.

I have to admit that I like it. I mean if Gordon does decide to call an early general election I get to make endless jokes about the lib dem leader's mercy quotient (here is where others would explain that joke to you - I'm not though. If you don't get why that's funny you can look it up on the internet).

I can't help but wonder if this was a bit of a case of friday afternoonitus interferring with an advertising exec's work. So if we continue this train of thought, what other advertising slogans did they come up with at the same time...

"Buy Levis - because you shouldn't walk around with your cock out"

Advertising - yet another career I could have gone into if I'd realised how stupidly easy it was.

Burma - what a bunch of wankers

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to mention the upheaval going on in the Democratic People's Republic of Shoot Your Face Off for Saying That We're Wrong (which I'm pretty sure is what Myanmar translates into) but I think I will. Are you ready?

I'm sure you've all noticed that most of what the Burmese government are doing is pretty shitty, but I think that there are some things that they've done right that they're not getting credit for.

So, here for you now is a list of all the good things that the Burmese have done in the last few years...

Burmese Pythons - which are really big fucking snakes.
Burma Shave - a type of shaving foam.

Nope, I'm sorry people of the Burmese government. When it comes to the great karmic scales, I'm afraid that brushless shaving foam and giant snakes aren't going to make up for the fact that you're a bunch of massive wankers who go around shooting buddist monks.

More catholic craziness

For those of you who don't know, the Catholic church believe that the use of birth control is a sin. Well except for the 'rhythym' method. Which could in all honesty be called the 'blind fucking luck' method.

But one archbishop has decided to up the ante on their idiocy. I'm pretty sure that I don't need to add anything else.

I can't get me head around this one...

Israeli police have arrested a group of neo-nazis. Work that out! I can't. The closest I can come to an explanation is that some people are really really really really fucking stupid.

In other news...oh stuff it. I was going to make a joke about armed robbers who point the guns at themselves but really - Jewish fucking Nazis? How the hell does that work? Do you beat yourself up? Do you go to as many showers as possible? Do you shout at yourself? Fucking morons.

Why I won't ever play WOW

Becuase there are some really scary people out there - and WOW seems to be where they gather. Here's an example. See what I mean?

Fucking nutters.

How to evolve a weapon

Ok - this all revolves around cluster bombs, so first of all - let's review what a cluster bomb is. A cluster bomb is a big rocket stuffed full of 'bomblets'. It explodes in the air, and all these bomblets fall to the ground and explode. If they hit something hard, they explode straight away. If they don't, they wait until something hard (like say - someone's shoe) stands on them, then they explode. If this sounds a little like a mine, then you've probably worked out why there are calls to ban them - it's because they are rather a lot like mines, and since Diana Princess of Parisian Tunnels died, there's been a recognition that mines aren't really that nice of a device.

Right - now that we all know what a cluster bomb is - we can continue with the story. Back in February of this year, the UK said that they were going to work toward a treaty to ban these things. Forty five other nations agreed with them, and off they went to sort out the details. Well, here we are in September, and according to Defence secretary Des Browne & the MOD - Britain has stopped using dumb cluster bombs.

Hang on a second...'Dumb cluster bombs'? Yes! That's right - the British army only uses clever cluster bombs! The British Army is an army of thinking soldiers, and now, the British Army is an army of thinking weapons as well!

So let's review - the British government have decided to ban dumb cluster bombs, which sounds all well and humanitarian until you realise that all Britain's cluster bombs were classified as smart cluster bombs by the MOD about 15 minutes before the ban was announced.

How's that for a classic bit of doublespeak?

Watch television!

Sometimes, having a digital TV is worthwhile...

BBC4 are doing a three point series called Comics Britannia. With narration from Armando Ianucci, it's a look back at the comicbook industry in the UK. You've already missed part one, but part two is on tonight. For me though, it's going to be part three that's the winner - on next week it deals with comics in the UK in the 70s & 80s (when I was growing up) and features an interview with Alan Moore - one of the best writers the genre's ever had, and as mad as a box of frogs. Recently, he's gained notoriety for wanting absolutely nothing to do with the movie versions of several stories that he's written. He also looks like some kind of mad necromancer who in ye olde days of yore would live in a dark shadowy castle just waiting for a dark and stormy night so that the local peasants could pop over with their burning sticks and pitchforks for a cup of tea and some lynching.

Anyhooo....Here's the link to the page about the show - give it a watch.

How to quit smoking, the Joe way.

I really do hope that this isn't going to jinx my progress to this point...but I may have found a way to quit smoking properly.

The key is this - an Xbox360.

Basically, I am working on an incentive basis - As a non-smoker, I've bought an xbox360. The rules are very simple - while I'm not smoking, I'm allowed a 360. If I want to smoke, I have to get rid of the thing. So far, it's been working. I just hope that this method doesn't fall apart in 12 years when I get tired of the 360 and decide to buy a Playstation 7.

Explodey!

So it would seem that Russia have a new fuel air bomb. Not that exciting really - I mean it's only the biggest non-nuclear type of bomb around, and the Americans not only have one, but have used it in Afganistan without too much fuss (though that was against our allies against the Red threat the Mujadeen (sorry - against our hated enemies the godless terrorists the Mujadeen).

But the bbc have a clip of the explosion on their website, and I'm a big fan of huge explosions. So here's the link.

Electrical gubbinery

So it is with great excitement that I can announce that my mobile phone has now been upgraded!

OK; I would agree that a mobile phone upgrade isn't usually that exciting a prospect, but you have to take some things into consideration here. Firstly, I'm on 3. This means that the phones are usually pretty high up on the scale of techgeekasmism, and that they've got all kinds of nifty features. Secondly, three sent me an MMS (a videoclip sms) telling me that my upgrade was due and showing me some nice pictures of telephones.

Well that's a nice lie isn't it. What really happened was this - my phone was starting to switch itself off when I asked it to send an SMS (really fucking annoying), so knowing that my contract's up for renewal I phoned 3 and dipped my toe in the water. What I found was that they were helpful (recommended I downgrade my contract as I wasn't using the minutes they were giving me) and able to discuss technical specs of phones (I have a burgeoning collection of MicroSD cards and wanted a phone I could use 'em on). I was reasonably impressed, as usually when I phone 3 it's a bit of a struggle.

So now I have a new Nokia 6120 Smartphone. It's smaller than my old phone, it's got Nokia's version of GoogleEarth on it, along with MSN, Skype and good email compatibility. But here's cherry on the geekcake - it runs Quake. Not an import, not some made for mobile watered down version - it plays the original Quake. Admittedly, it's a nightmare without a keyboard and mouse, and it drains the battery like a sonovabitch, but it's worth it for the soundeffects.

2 Random things...

1. - There are Labour MP called Bob Blizzard & Andy Slaughter. I would like Gordon Brown to assign them to appropriate positions. I think Andy Slaughter deserves to be appointed Minister for War, and Bob Blizzard should be secretary of state for inclement weather.

2. - Conkers have started falling. I know this because one of them caught the wheels of my skateboard yesterday, and now I have skinned knees. Bloody stings like a bitch.

Need for speed Mars.

Did you know that NASA scientists are driving a remote control buggy around on the surface of Mars? Did you know that they've set up a jump ramp into the 200 feet deep Victoria crater in the hope of doing the first martian backflip? Did you know that they did a frontflip into the shallower Opportunity crater 3 years ago, but that was just a case of tanking it up to the lip and pulling the front brakes as hard as they could - they needed the steeper lip and bigger drop of Victoria to go for the backflip.

This is all in preparation for next year - GW Bush, in an attempt to rescue his reputation as a bit of a fuckwit is going to dress in the Stars & Stripes and ride a rocketcycle to Mars, then do a superman seatgrab over Eagle crater. Honest.