So in what could quite easily become a regular feature, I'd like to take the some time to talk about a movie one of my housemates recently bought - Dragon Wars.
Now on the face of it, I have to admit that this film should be damn awesome. The cover's got dragons and Apache helicopters on it for fuck's sake. How can this film not be brilliant? So I thought I'd give it a watch.
Well it wasn't good. It was terrible. It started badly with some wise and noble shop keeper prattling on about how there was an ancient prophecy and a chosen one who could save or destroy the world, and a girl with a tattoo who was the key to it all. There was a giant snake, chasing cars and some samurai fuckers with way too much shiny armour (there's something, if you're a big evil sneak about bastard - why's your armour made of bloody chrome?). Well about an hour into this film and not only have I not seen any bloody dragons but I have been subjected to some of the worst acting I've seen.
I'd love to say that there's some redeeming feature of this movie. But there isn't. No boobies, no huge awesome explosions, no crazy kung fu fighting, just a bloody big snake and some twats with samurai swords and armour. This film is appalling and if you're going to watch this movie you should mentally prepare yourself by committing suicide using a bath and an electric toaster while listening to the theme tune from Cheggers Plays Pop on unending repeat. It's an experience that's almost as uncomfortable as watching this film's bad plot and bad acting, and at least it'll give your local community support officer something to do that's more useful than tasering dogs.
So there you go. Dragon Wars. It's a fucking shitty movie with a big snake in it.
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