Youbube

Oh my what a terrible spelling mistake.

I suspect it may be something to do with this youtube clip (no nipples are involved).

I am reasonably impressed, though I was slightly disapointed when I realised it was a twisty top bottle.

Farewell California

Well this could be interesting...scientists have detected a swarm of earthquakes off the west coast of America.

Well then. Who knew that a group of earthquakes is called a swarm. I'd have thought it'd be called something more like an apocalypse - but there you go (hell, I still don't know why it's called a murder of crows).

Anyway - a swarm of earthquakes. 600 in the last ten days in fact. So if you know anyone who lives in LA, you may want to give them a call and say goodbye before the place drops into the ocean.

What are you eating tomorrow?

Because you know what - it should be Pi.

For those of you wondering what the hell I'm on about, tomorrow is March 14th. Or as the Americans put it - 3.14. All makes sense now dunnit.

They even have a website where you can talk about how many digits of Pi you have memorised...

...and people wonder why maths nerds are laughed at.

The pimpiest pimp in pimp town

Now I know why 50 cent is called 50 cent - because he's bargain fucking basement when it comes to being a PIMP. He doesn't even live in the pound shop of pimps, because he's not good enough. To your right, I present you with a photograph of the King Pimp....

...That's right folks, it's chairman Mao!

Chairman Mao, more famous for starting a people's revolution, being a her indoors character in that film with Peter O'Toole and the chinese kid who keeps sucking on tits and settling that long standing arguement; which wins between a convoy tanks or a bunch of starving students desperate for political reform (it was tanks by the way). Well in addition to these feats - he was also a pimp.

Back in 1973, at a trade conference with the US, Chairman Mao tried to talk the US into taking 10 million women off his hands. Apparently, the exact phrase he said was 'These wimmen is driving me crazy yo, take them offa my hands so I can go chill and drink gin with my homies'.

From secret recordings made at the Whitehouse at around that time, it seems that Nixon was deadset against the idea, reasoning that the women could all be crooks. Strange how life worked out there innit.

Of course, seeing as I am both single and a humanitarian, I have written to the Chinese embassy and said that while I can't take 10 million, I can at least take 5 or so off their hands. So long as they're small and easily stackable.

Better than gamespot

Because he's not a drolling fucking idiot really...

Go to this page and have a look to see what I mean.

It's worth it just for some of the little graphic puns.

Something for the voyeur in you.

This is a pretty easy one...do a google search for inurl:''ViewerFrame?Mode= Why you ask? Well because it gives you a list of webcams that are available on the internet.

So you can watch a bunch of guys playing tennis, the DJ booth for Love Fm, or even a bakery.

Have a look - there are more to be found, and you never know what you might find.

Build a sandcastle dad!

I want to draw attention to the website harrisand.org.

There's no getting away from the fact that some people have way way way too much time on their hands. But the problem is that as much as I want to take the piss out of these have nothing decent to do with their time fucks, what they're building is pretty impressive.

What makes it even more impressive though is the fact that they bring their own sand to the party. There must be beaches nearby that are just rock these days!

What did you learn at university?

I'm betting that if you did animation, you probably learnt more than this fella.

Some people will research anything...

Take for example the studys done in regard to women and their bras. Tests done have found that a larger woman would have a boobment of 6.9 centimetres.

Australians (why is it always Aussies with stuff like this?) have come up with an intelligent bra with sensors built in to battle bounce.

The full report is from the Journal of Biomechanics. Though why you'd want to read it is completely beyond me. I mean - do you need to know about the morphological changes in the internal structure of the articular eminence of the temporal bone during growth from deciduous to early mixed detention?

No, I didn't think so.

Good things come to those who...

Follow a series of clues on the Guinness website apparently!

So there's a new Guinness advert tonight (you can already find it online). Guinness however have decided to get in on the viral marketing buzz and if you go to Guinness.com, you'll find a bunch of puzzles that you have to go through to get to see the advert before everyone else does (which is tonight - so you don't have that long to wait).

This one's been done by the same guy who was behind the Sony Bravia adverts, and you can see the same themes being revisited. I like it though. Certainly better than that fucking Barry Scott.

Actually - this is a point - it's not Barry Scott, it's an actor. His name is Neil Burgess. His other claim to fame is that he was on the Bill as an axe murderer. But at least the crime scene was nice and clean.

I am somewhat loathe to do this...

But I'm going to link to a story from the Telegraph's website. I'm sorry to have to do this, but some things just have to be commented on.

I mean there's no denying that this guy's a bit on the weird side, but I'm not sure he deserved to go to court over it - he was in his hotel room, enjoying some 'private time' by himself and 2 maids used their key to enter. So is this a documented case of schrodinger's crime? You can't tell if he's committing a crime unless you watch him, and because you're watching him he's committing a crime?

On the other hand - how the hell do you have sex with a pavement?

Where's the damn photo!

Come on you bastards! I don’t care how you do it - helicopter, jet car, human cannonball – get a camera crew there, and get us some photos of the chickens! What do we pay our license fee for if not this!

Update : There's video! I love you BBC!

Why I won't ever play WOW

Becuase there are some really scary people out there - and WOW seems to be where they gather. Here's an example. See what I mean?

Fucking nutters.

Electrical gubbinery

So it is with great excitement that I can announce that my mobile phone has now been upgraded!

OK; I would agree that a mobile phone upgrade isn't usually that exciting a prospect, but you have to take some things into consideration here. Firstly, I'm on 3. This means that the phones are usually pretty high up on the scale of techgeekasmism, and that they've got all kinds of nifty features. Secondly, three sent me an MMS (a videoclip sms) telling me that my upgrade was due and showing me some nice pictures of telephones.

Well that's a nice lie isn't it. What really happened was this - my phone was starting to switch itself off when I asked it to send an SMS (really fucking annoying), so knowing that my contract's up for renewal I phoned 3 and dipped my toe in the water. What I found was that they were helpful (recommended I downgrade my contract as I wasn't using the minutes they were giving me) and able to discuss technical specs of phones (I have a burgeoning collection of MicroSD cards and wanted a phone I could use 'em on). I was reasonably impressed, as usually when I phone 3 it's a bit of a struggle.

So now I have a new Nokia 6120 Smartphone. It's smaller than my old phone, it's got Nokia's version of GoogleEarth on it, along with MSN, Skype and good email compatibility. But here's cherry on the geekcake - it runs Quake. Not an import, not some made for mobile watered down version - it plays the original Quake. Admittedly, it's a nightmare without a keyboard and mouse, and it drains the battery like a sonovabitch, but it's worth it for the soundeffects.

Getting over the hump

Naming this post was tricky. It could have been...

The camel who wanted more hump?
He got his hump on?
Humphrey the camel?

Or I could have just gone with the descriptive option - Woman fucked to death by a camel.

It's a strange world out there folks.

Snake defeats bear!!

Here I go again, making a bunch of bad puns while commentating on an obscure news article.

So this I think provides confirmed evidence that being a rock god makes you one of the toughest creatures on the planet.

Apparently someone at Channel 4 has seen this, and is planning to create a series based around this concept. I look forward to seeing Tony Iommi wrestling with a gorilla, Richie Blackwood facing off against a giant anaconda & Robert Plant going toe to toe with a great white shark.

It's going to be awesome!

Killdozer 2: Son of Dozer

Well not really, but pretty close.

You have to admire the fact that it took 90 minutes to arrest a guy travelling at 19 miles per hours. Segways travel faster than that. Obviously, the police were busy at their annual 'It's July 13th' Barbeque bash.

I did ask for a comment, but apparently the police were busy at their annual 'It's July 14th' Barbeque bash. What are the odds huh?

3 laws safe!

I love robots. Not in a seedy Wanda Maximoff kind of way, but more in a "Robots are awesome" kind of way.

So the news that the American army have decided to use robots on the battlefield has me all a-flutter. What makes it even better is that they're not giving them guns (obviously the men in charge have seen the terminator films).

I love the fact that they've given it a teddybear face to reassure injured troops. I now can't get over the idea that american infantry troops bed down in their barracks cuddling up to their own little teddybears.

So there you go...yay for robots.

The best fun is free fun!

See what I mean?

At the moment the thing I find most disapointing is that there's no video of the incident. Rest assured, if it does appear I will let you all know.

I do feel for the trucker though - I often go for quite a distance without realising there's a cripple hanging on to my radiator grill.

Hot & sexy update - here's an american news channel video clip of the incident (still no footage of the guy in action I'm afraid).

Celebrating an anniversary

2 years ago, on June 4th witnessed the birth of an internet phenomenon - it was the day of the Killdozer.

Marvin Heemeyer was a welder from Granby, Colorado who felt that the local government had screwed him (if you read the wikipedia article, it's not an entirely baseless accusation). Faced with a failed welding company and mounting bills he took inspiration from the A-team's B.A. Baracus, and built himself a killdozer.

Thanks to the marvel of the internet - you can find news footage of the rampage on YouTube. The best bit is the duel with a big yellow construction truck. Enjoy!