My name's Joe, and I'm the fastest blog alive

Or something like that.

For those of you who have no idea what that's a reference to, it's a comicbook character called "The Flash" (it's in italics because it's moving quickly).

The Flash is one of DC's longest running superheroes, and there's been a Flash in some form or another through most of comicbook history. Unlike characters like Spiderman or Batman though, the mantle of the Flash has been passed on to younger characters a few times as the book has gone on.

I won't bore you with all the details (you can find them quite easily on Wikipedia) but I will say that I was a huge fan of Wally West. The writing on the book was good, there was a more lighthearted feel to the book and it was just good old fashioned superheroistic fun.

Then came the reboot. A year ago, Flash got a new title, a new issue number 1, and the mantle was passed on to Bart Allen. I was a bit miffed, but I'm a big boy these days, and I was prepared to give it a chance. Unfortunately, they also changed the writer. They changed from a good writer, to a bad writer. Danny Bilson should have been good. He wrote the Flash TV Series, which though hampered by dodgy special effects and cheesy acting was a fun series to watch. So I wasn't expecting the writing to be bad. But it was. I lasted 4 issues before I couldn't face it any more, and I went into mourning for a character that I'd enjoyed and was now dead to me.

So today comes the good news. Not only is Bilson off the job, but he's being replaced by Mark Waid - a writer who was responsible for one of the best runs on the Flash ever. Not only are they getting rid of the new title, but they're even going back to the old title and continuing the numbering as if the shitty new title never existed. But best of all is this - Wally's coming back. With his corny jokes, his laid back easygoingness that no-one else in the DCU seems to have and with his ability to be a superhero that isn't screaming about angst all the damn time.

And that's a flash fact.

Hiding behind the sofa

Yep, another mention of Doctor Who.

This time though, it's to pimp the episode that was on this evening; "Blink". Fuck me that was scary. No, really!

It's not like I'm a big coward about this kind of stuff, I enjoy horror films, and I'm pretty well desensitised to most of the stuff that's tagged as 'horrifying', 'terrifying' or 'pants-shittingly nasty' (well, apart from films like Bring it on, but we've all got limits).

But I was most definitely surprised by what I saw today. Scary, clever and psychologically jarring. It was also an excellent episode, and I really enjoyed it. So if you get the chance, catch it when it's repeated on BBC16.

I have to admit though, I'm glad that I don't have any young kids, as I guarentee there will be thousands of nippers across the UK shitting themselves tonight.

3 laws safe!

I love robots. Not in a seedy Wanda Maximoff kind of way, but more in a "Robots are awesome" kind of way.

So the news that the American army have decided to use robots on the battlefield has me all a-flutter. What makes it even better is that they're not giving them guns (obviously the men in charge have seen the terminator films).

I love the fact that they've given it a teddybear face to reassure injured troops. I now can't get over the idea that american infantry troops bed down in their barracks cuddling up to their own little teddybears.

So there you go...yay for robots.

The best fun is free fun!

See what I mean?

At the moment the thing I find most disapointing is that there's no video of the incident. Rest assured, if it does appear I will let you all know.

I do feel for the trucker though - I often go for quite a distance without realising there's a cripple hanging on to my radiator grill.

Hot & sexy update - here's an american news channel video clip of the incident (still no footage of the guy in action I'm afraid).

Another week of kookiness

Yeah, I'm on nightshift again. So far this week I've shouted at my brother for no real reason and compared talking to me to trying to argue with a goat.

I really wish these shifts wouldn't turn me into a blithering bellicose bastard, but this is what seems to happen.

In other news, I am making progress on my earlier promise to learn how to surf. I've now bought a wetsuit, and tentatively arranged to go surfing next week. No goats are involved.

New childcare product!

Yes that's right - here at this blog, we are promoting a new childcare product. It's called the encapsulator, and it is in essence a giant sensory deprivation tank with a PS2 in it. The timelock attached to it is programmed to not open for 15 years, and so prevents any paedophile predator getting his hands on your special little prince or princess.

So for those of you who haven't read, the parents of the UK are a bunch of whiny fucks. 43% of parents surveyed by the Children's Society think that their spawn shouldn't be allowed out without adult supervision until they're 14.

You morons.

I remember walking home from junior school. I remember that some of the kids in my class had to get a bus to school. For those of you frantically doing the maths - you start junior school when you're 8. I remember that those who got picked up by their parents every day were looked down upon - we were kids! It was great, we didn't need adults for anything.

How times have changed. Now it seems that it's the kids who are trusted to walk home without adult supervision are very much in the minority.

I think it's sad that we're no longer able to allow kids to go out and play with their friends, and the thing is, I think it's our own fault. We've become so obsessed with the evil paedophiles that we're unable to rationally assess the risks.

Here's a story I remember from my childhood - I was out with a couple of friends, and we were walking along a water mains pipe. I fell off it into a large clump of neetles and got stung and scratched to shit (the pipe was about 5 feet high). I knew I was going to get in trouble for being an idiot, so I tried to sneak into the house without my folks noticing. Well they saw me, they laughed at me for being an idiot, gave me a clip around the ear and coated the cuts and scratches with germoline. There was no amber alert, no tabloid panic and no audience with the pope.

Yes, I do say this without being a parent - but I sincerely hope that when I am, I can help my kids grow up, rather than wrap them in so much cotton wool that they have no idea of the world that's out there. Childhood's supposed to be fun isn't it?

Celebrating an anniversary

2 years ago, on June 4th witnessed the birth of an internet phenomenon - it was the day of the Killdozer.

Marvin Heemeyer was a welder from Granby, Colorado who felt that the local government had screwed him (if you read the wikipedia article, it's not an entirely baseless accusation). Faced with a failed welding company and mounting bills he took inspiration from the A-team's B.A. Baracus, and built himself a killdozer.

Thanks to the marvel of the internet - you can find news footage of the rampage on YouTube. The best bit is the duel with a big yellow construction truck. Enjoy!