Why I don't love Lost.

For those of you who live in a world without television, a series called LOST came to the UK a little while ago. The (basic) premise is that it's about a bunch of people who survive a plane crash and end up marooned on a desert island. Here's a youtube link with the first couple of minutes of season 1 for you.

As you can tell from that, this isn't exactly what you'd call run of the mill television. This show is clever, engaging and likes to use cliffhangers of a gargantuan size. So really, this is exactly the kind of show that I should love. I should be harping on about this in much the same way as I have about Battlestar Galactica & Heroes but I'm not - so what happened?

I'll admit that when Lost first arrived on the telly, I was in love. It was snappy, peppy and gave me a warm tingly feeling in my bowels. I used to get together with my housemates, put my feet up and enjoy the show, then laugh at Hilary when she would scream in annoyance at the inevitable cliffhanger at the end of the hour. I really did enjoy the first season, and I was looking forward to the second season (though the fact that nothing was ever resolved was starting to grate).

Then season two started. While I was away snowboarding for a month. I missed the first three episodes of season two, so when I tried to watch the series I was screwed. I didn't know what was going on, who some of the people were and why they weren't following directly on from season one. I felt like I'd come home and found my girlfriend in bed with the milkman - and in a completely rational decision, said fuck it and stopped watching Lost.

Which is probably a shame as I have no idea if the dog is still alive, if Merry the hobbit is still smoking heroin, and if Kate has had a hot threeway with Jack & Sawyer.

So there you go - I loved Lost, but it cheated on me and I threw it out like the evil whore that it was.

Scary Geeks : Doctor Who fans

Ahh Doctor Who. That classic televisual treat from when I was growing up. I have fond memories of being scared out of my fucking wits by the Cybermen & Davros, of finding Tom Baker to be a creepy motherfucker (especially when he was fighting vampires with spaceships!). For those with a short attention span, then yes - there's also a modern version with special effects, sonic screwdrivers and daleks every other episode.

All this is well and good, and I quite enjoy the new series but that's not what this is about - this is about how scary Doctor Who fans can be.

But all these pale compared to the work that this ardent fan has put in. For those of you who are wondering, if you find yourself stuck in a TARDIS and needing to enter some co-ordinates to get home, or to escape Daleks, or if you just want to go and kick Hitler in the balls - here's the format - (space-type-code, time-type-code, space-origiin, reference-point-1, reference-point-2, F (motion vector), unit-code, x, y, z, t, t1 (timestamp)).

Aren't you glad that you know that.

Batman Returns 2 : Bat Harder!

Or something like that. Information about the sequel to Batman Begins has started to leak out. I liked Begins, and found it a refreshing change from the travesty of cinema that was Joel Schumacher's attempts at the Bat-franchise.

I do remember reading an interview once where Schumacer's name came up, and the reason why he keeps getting films to make was explained - he makes his films cheaply, and always finishes on time. That's right - quality isn't important, it's all about making the film under budget and before deadline. Depressing isn't it.

Anyway - here's a picture of Heath Ledger as the Joker. Enjoy being creeped the fuck out.

Blair talks about civil liberty

In the Sunday Times this week, our outgoing leader had his own little column. Judging by what he came up with, I think he's been doing some bonding with his alcoholic son over a crate of tequila.

I have no idea how a man who campaigned so hard on justice and rights of the people can come up with stuff like this (and it's not like it's an isolated incident) and keep a straight face.

So yeah, the short version of this entry is that Blair doesn't think that civil liberties should be protected in the quest for greater security. Boy oh boy - now that we know we're not voting for him, he's coming up with all kinds of wacky shit.

Next week he'll be appearing on celebrity tramp punching with his university cricket bat and a set of brass knuckles.

Reality TV - I used to hate now I love it.

This won't be a popular admission, but today's shaping up that way for me so I'm going to keep going in spite of you.

I don't like Big Brother. I don't like X Factor or American Idol or Celebrities in the Jungle or The Alan Sugar shouting half hour. I don't like any of it. It's purile entertainment that has helped in the creation of the entitlement society that we live in today.

Why has it now become the case that anyone with half a cup of self belief and a parent without the good sense to point out that they're shit thinks that they can become a teen pop starlet? Because thanks to shitty reality television, people think they're entitled to something if they want it.

Here's the kicker folks - if you're working in Greggs, it's probably for a fucking good reason.

Now, after all that - I think I've found some reality television that I might enjoy. For a while, I'd thought that Bad Girls Club might sneak ahead of my previous favourite - Space Cadets but it's flagged quite badly just two episodes into the series so I've had to look elsewhere for my hope. So what is this show that I'm harping on about? It's BIG DONOR. The producers of Big Brother have found some people in need of a new kidney who are willing to compete for it on television.

From what I've been able to find out, the show will be in a kind of Krypton Factor format, with competitors being tested on their ability to put together 3 dimensional geometric shapes, remember bits from a clip, fly an aeroplane and compete in an assault course to prove who deserves that kidney. There are also rumours that the final two competitors will be put into a pit in knee deep water with the kidney in a fridge in the middle and will have to battle it out with knives to see who gets the transplant.

See - now this sounds awesome. Do you want to be on TV that fucking bad? I suggest that you commit suicide by trying to stop a train at a level crossing while wearing a superman suit and screaming 'More powerful than a locomotive!' Trust me - people will be talking about you for years.

It's a giant pig!

Yep. There's not much else to say about this photo. It's a giant pig!

Jamison Stone - the 11 year old boy who killed the pig said "I probably won't ever kill anything else that big."

His proud father has the right idea though, he's created a shitty website dedicated to his son and the really big pig.

Here's my thing though - this kid has a .50 caliber pistol. Someone thought that it was a good idea to give an 11 year old a .50 caliber pistol. I remember when I was 11. I was an idiot! I was impulsive, stupid and didn't consider ramifications before I acted. Is it really a good idea to give serious firepower to children?

Interestingly, I'm yet to find one giant pig who's in favour of letting kids have guns.

Happy 30th birthday!

To Star Wars.

I really struggled as to whether or not to mention this, but in the end I caved.

Though I am with Simon Pegg when it comes to the prequels.